When saints go marching in. Yeah, when the saints go marching in. Enough. It's the 13th of May. We ready for that? So ready. We're talking about ⁓ habits, the good, the bad and the fuel we need to feed them. Buckle up because easy for you to say, it's epic tears from discourses. Easy for me to say. Every skill and habit is built and strengthened.

through the actions that create them. Walking through, walking, running through, running. So if you want to do something, make it a habit. If you don't choose something else to make a habit instead. The same principle applies to our mindset. When you get angry, you're not just feeling that emotion. You're also reinforcing a negative habit, adding fuel to the fire. Now that's epic tea, it's for you, but may.

He's given me the beautiful house. The life itself is really beautiful. So really beautiful. So habits gaining habits, making them part of you. I'm going to tell you little story. People love stories. The great Chris Voss wrote a book called Never Split the Difference. And he's got some cool techniques in there. Right. It's got mirroring labeling, all these cool techniques that you're like, wow, that was saving people's lives using that technique. So I'm going to give you one. Right. I'm going to say and I'll give you a tip as well. But let's say mirroring.

Yeah. So I was reading the book in bed with my wife. She wasn't reading it as well. She was doing something else. Look at other things are available. And I asked her how I had how a day gone. So it was something that big and broad and open just to kind of test it. So I closed the book. I was like, I wonder if this would work. How was your day? And she was like, yeah, it was good. I am. I ended up going to see Emily. You ended up seeing Emily.

Yeah, I ended up seeing her and we did and then she started telling me what they'd been up to and then we we went for a drink. Oh, you went for a drink. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we went to the new and then she started and I was thinking, oh, my this works. Right. So it works at the level of me and my wife, but my wife knows me. Yeah. So the relationship. So maybe it wouldn't work there. And then I was in a meeting the next day. I was like, let me see if I can do it a few times in the meeting here. And the guys like.

We've tried to do a few different things before. You've tried a few different things before. Yeah. Yeah. We try and he goes into it. was like, mine is being blown. Like I've got a Jedi mind trickier. So in the next techniques that the labeling feels like sounds like seems like. So then again, asking my wife about a day. Oh, it sounds like it was quite tough then. Yeah, it was. It was quite so blown away. And then you come into the story, my friend, you came to visit me. We were walking the dogs.

And I actually told you what the technique was. Yeah. And then did it to you. I know. So I was telling you about mirroring and labeling and you're like, don't know if that would work. Oh, you don't know if it would work. I felt abused. And you started telling me why you didn't think it would work. Okay. So it feels like maybe you've got evidence that, and you were like, well, no, but, I just, what have I been doing for the last 10 minutes? Mind blown. Exactly. So habits, what I've found is it's really good to build the confidence with in kind of low stakes environments. What I mean by that is

The stakes aren't high. if someone caught you out, it's not gonna be the end of the world. No. So you can put what? Did you say no? I said no. Thank you. So partners, family, friends, that's kind of like level one. Then maybe you want to bring it to cold call. And then maybe you want to stop bringing it into negotiation where some things on the line. Yeah. Or like negotiating a pay rise or performance reviews and like, then you might want to stop bringing it in there, but

You build the confidence through kind of taking up the train of the stakes as the stakes get higher. You get that empirical evidence. Okay. It works at this level. Does it work at this level? Does it work at this level? And suddenly the wiring builds in your brain of I have belief now around this habit. I'm guessing you've got a few examples of this as well. My old pedigree chum. Well, it becomes, it becomes that habit. We spoke with Chris Foss on our other podcast and he was, ⁓ we have a meeting podcast and he was saying that the team do it to me all the time and I don't notice.

And he's like the goat of all these habits. So it works in so many different environments, but so many people get it wrong, don't they? They'll go into it and they'll kind of, they'll deliver it in the wrong way. Or when they're mirroring and they're wanting people to open up and it's like, it might say, I had a hard day and you go, you had a hard day. You're going to get the, it's not a bad mirror because that's listening to them and saying like mirroring. I'm showing that I'm listening to you and I'm hearing you and I'm empathizing, but, then it's probably.

not something that's going to get them to open up or go a bit deeper. You know what we recorded? We're at Ministry of Work. The wonderful studio here. We've got down over here. He's a great guy. actually tried a Murray a label yesterday. It didn't quite work. I had to follow it with a question. Don't if you know, no, go on. We have Jordan Brompton on our podcast. It was like a wonderful, amazing thing. And I said, so so it feels like having a really strong work ethics always been there. And she went, yeah, it has.

And actually I didn't stay comfortable with the silence enough and I followed up with a question. It was fine and it moved on, but it was like afterwards a moment of like, should have just let the kind of silence hang out there. So we can give, I'm sure we'll get into different levels of labeling and mirror and stuff like that. But that's a great example. I didn't notice. And honestly, I'm always looking to pick up on any defect that you have. Right. It's probably very hard. But I'll give you one more example of this, right? So we used to do coaching and training for salespeople a bit more.

Um, then we, then we do now I was talking to this guy on teams and he was like, I don't know if this would work. He's like, get it. It's like a cool trick. I've done the thing on him that I'd done to you where I told him it and then did it back to him. He's like, maybe it's me. I don't have the confidence in it. I said, try it in like a low stakes environment. Yeah. So next time you with new people, girlfriend, whatever he said, right. Okay. So the next session, I was in big smile on his face. what's going on, mate? He said that thing we worked on the Mirrodin labeling.

I met my girlfriend's friends for the first time at this party. And I thought, well, what harm could it, I'll try it here. So I just did it all night to people. And the next day, all my girlfriend's friends were in the WhatsApp group, like, ⁓ what a nice guy Joe is. Yeah. Such a nice guy. He was like, and honestly, mate, I told them nothing about myself. They didn't know a single thing. Everything they said to me was a mirror, a label, and it got that empathy built. But more importantly, he built that confidence in that habit.

Yeah, if you want to be interesting be interested and you could probably even go even lower stakes than that Go on a website make an inquiry into something. It's like no website go on a web cam get your fingers out go on a website make an inquiry into like a new gas provider or car insurance or car finance name a gas provider other gas providers of British gas ⁓

top of the top of the top of the chain. And when they call you and they're asking you questions like how much are you how much are you currently paying? How much am I currently paying? And you could just use it there as a bit of play. So that's that's something fun that you could do. I've been Jack Frimston. I've been Zach Thompson. Remember you will die. British gas. Name another one.